It was a sixty-story building. I stood frozen on the ledge, feet firmly planted on solid concrete. Every muscle, every sinew cramped and ached, wound tightly like a snake coiled around its prey. The exertion of climbing sixty flights of stairs crashed onto me. My feet faltered on the edge, the precipitous fall replaying in my head as if it's already happened.

Dizziness overcame for a split second. I was ready to let go. Sense returned far too soon and my feet steadied. It took hours to get up here, I laughed. It wouldn't take ten seconds to drop to the ground.

I wriggled my toes— the only part of my body that still had sensation left— and peered down at the traffic.

This might be the equivalent of your life flashing in front of your eyes but the panoramic view got me thinking...

I’ve sat in classrooms, concentrating on meaningless lectures. I’ve worked two shifts a day trying to make ends meet like those two ends could ever meet. I’ve been in love and held it and I’ve seen it turn to nothingness, dissolve back into the abyss it was born out of.

I’ve lived and decided that life was not worth living. This is not a fitting subject for a tête-à-tête. Apparently, matters of life and death are far too inappropriate for polite company.

So the verdict is mine alone. The jury is still out on whether this could save a soul from rotting.

A tingling feeling emerges at my fingertips, the numbing sensation slowly sinks down to my feet. Perhaps, it was the body's self-preservation response. So dutifully protecting what it was designed to protect. Alas, no such measures exist for the soul. And so it dies easy...

I close my eyes and take a break from all the flashing lights.

The wind is beginning to have a hint of winter mixed in it and it’s making the sounds of the ocean. Whoosing at this height, ready to carry my soul away.

On the way up here, I stubbed my toe in the dark. On one of the cement columns on the terrace. A minor injury. But the chill in the air seems to be tugging at the wound. As if a reminder of the life that still pulsates inside of me.

Life, not unlike the one buzzing several hundred feet beneath me. Tiny vein-like streets burst into activity and noise, alive. Squirming and pulsing, it existed unawares. Blind to the torrents that whirled inside an entity insignificant to its existence. If I die right here, right now —everything would still go on.

I took several deep breaths and stared at the sky, sound of faint music came in from somewhere in the distance. I wouldn’t know whether it was real or merely my imagination, but the music was soothing. Louder and louder it went, “Life goes on… and people sing their song.”

I closed my eyes and my heartbeat started to resonate with the beat. I came here to escape from all the baggage that I had accumulated. Friends, family, obligations. I’d let it all fall and crumble with me and then everything would be silent, I would finally go to sleep and then waking up would not be an option and hence not a decision I would have to make. I would love that. I would love not to be able to wake up, anymore.

But my toe is stinging... 

I put my hand on my chest and felt the weight of life, heavy. My hands twitched and I thought it was time but off went the song “this hole in my heart’s proof of life…” Ba dump… Ba dump… Music or heartbeat, I could no longer tell.

My body moved of its own accord...

“I know my heart’s missing her piece…. But it still beats…” 

I went home. 

Author's note: This pairs up well with the song by Pop Etc. called Is. The song was the inspiration behind this TTT. Thank you for reading.